My Own Worst Enemy

Sorry, been out of the loop for a few days. I’m sure you all, or both of you, have been waiting.

I assume you enjoy these stories, so here’s another one. I have made my share of “enemies”, mostly by proving them wrong, rather than just pissing them off, which I also do. I’m kinda of full service that way. I don’t really remember what I did to start this particular feud , but it was fun while it lasted. Sort of.

                                                 Captain Revenge

I once had a Captain that believed if he gave me enough rope, I’d hang myself. I used to call him Captain Revenge, but never where he could hear me. I’m really not that stupid.

One night he picked me and 3 other patrolmen he didn’t like, and told us he wanted us to go out and write nothing but bicycle citations.

I figured he was planning on us writing 5 or 6 each and then goofing off the rest of the shift. Then he could complain about our “non-performance”.

Three hours into the shift I radio’d dispatch asking if the motor pool truck was available. When asked why I needed the truck I replied “we” had confiscated some unlicensed bikes. How many? Well, at last count it was 27 but might be more by the time the truck got there.

There was radio silence and then a voice asked our location.

“University and Wilder” I answered. University and Wilder, was probably the most bicycle traveled intersection in Honolulu, it was right on the edge of the Manoa Campus of the University of Hawaii. So we had stopped every bike coming down the road or off the campus.

All those bikes had to be checked with the reported stolen bike reports, eight of them were reported stolen and since we had given the riders citations we could report them to the detectives.

Then all those bikes had to be logged, tagged, and entered into evidence. For 27 bicycles, you’re talking a whole lot of paperwork. Enough to keep all 4 of us back at the station, inside, for the rest of the shift.

The Captain was not amused.

So next time, he ordered me to patrol Ala Moana Park, on foot from 6pm to 11pm. I was not to leave the park.

Yep you guessed it. It didn’t work out quite like he expected.

I’m a “sneaky type”, so I walked quietly and looked while I was walking.

Just outside the lights from the Tennis court was a parked car. As I walked by, I noticed there were 2 males in the front seat. They both seemed to be watching the parking lot by the tennis courts, watching so intently they didn’t see me walking by the car.

I looked through the passenger window and low and behold, on the hump between the seat was what appeared to be a 38/357 revolver and a sheathed k-bar knife. And they still didn’t know I was there.

I stepped back into the shadows, called for back-up and waited.

When another patrol unit came down the road, the 2 guys slumped down and the passenger appeared to reach for the pistol.

I turned on my flashlight, aimed it and my revolver inside the car. The patrol unit stopped. Turned on his lights and did the same thing on the driver’s side.

Both occupants were a bit surprised by all the actions. They surrendered without any further actions.

The gun turned out to be another damn pellet gun, but the knife was real enough.

While I did my paperwork ( 2 “Felony”, multiple “Misdemeanors” arrests, towing the vehicle, storage inventory, etc.). In the squad room the detectives interviewed the two suspects.

The suspects freely copped out to their plan. They were going to rob the 1st person(s) that walked into the dark area where they had parked. They then copped to two other prior robberies in other parks.

And they wanted to know how I snuck up on them. They never saw me coming.

The detectives told the Captain I had prevented at least one “armed” robbery and should be commended for my sharp eye and good instincts.

That never happened.

The Captain was not a happy camper. He kept giving me crap and I kept making him eat it. He tried one last time, but that didn’t work out so well either.

Always enjoyed smiling at him whenever we passed in the halls.

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